[润色成篇]
| 初级范文 | 高分范文 |
| --- | --- |
| My Life in 20 Years
I'm always working hard for a bright future. I imagine I will have a better life than now.
In 20 years, I will take good care of my parents because I have grown up. I will also have a well-paid job and I am ready to take on new challenges. ①I will have a group of workmates, and they are easy to work with. When I am free, I will meet up with my friends. We will often talk about the past school life and travel for vacations. ②I will often take exercise

vacations.
with my friends after work because sports can keep
us healthy and fit.
I think my life in 20 years will be exciting and wonderful. ③And I am working hard to make it come true. | My Life in 20 Years
I'm always working hard for a bright future. I imagine I will have a better life than now.
In 20 years, I will take good care of my parents because I have grown up. I will also have a well-paid job and I am ready to take on new challenges. ①I will have a group of workmates, who are easy to work with.
In my free time, I will meet up with my friends. We will often talk about the past school life and travel for vacations. ②
To stay healthy and fit
(不定式短语作目的状语升格), I will often take exercise with my friends after work.
In a word, I think my life in 20 years will be exciting and wonderful. ③I will always try my best to make it come true. |
名师指导:
一、高分范文中,①使用 who 引导的定语从句升格,丰富句子结构,避免句式单一;②使用不定式短语作目的状语升格,提升表达效果;③使用 try my best 替换常用的 work hard,丰富了写作词汇。
二、两篇范文均遵循“总—分—总”的经典框架,首尾呼应(开头点明“为美好未来努力,想象未来生活更好”,结尾总结“未来生活精彩,将努力实现”),内容贴合主题,积极向上。