[润色成篇]
初级范文
How to Make Zongzi
To make this special food, we need to have one kilo of glutinous rice, half a kilo of beef, some red dates, two spoons of salt, some reed leaves and some strings.
①Making zongzi is not difficult. First, soak the glutinous rice in clean water for two hours. ②At the same time, wash the reed leaves and cut the beef into pieces. Next, shape the reed leaves by hand. Then, fill them with the glutinous rice and beef pieces. ③Add some red dates. And then, tie zongzi with
and strings. Finally, steam them for about two hours and then enjoy the delicious zongzi.
④ Becoming a good cook really needs a lot of practice.
高分范文
How to Make Zongzi
To make this special food, we need to have one kilo of glutinous rice, half a kilo of beef, some red dates, two spoons of salt, some reed leaves and some strings.
①Making zongzi is not difficult if you follow these steps. First, soak the glutinous rice in clean water for two hours. ② While waiting, wash some reed leaves and cut the beef into pieces. Next, shape the reed leaves by hand. Then, fill them with the glutinous rice and beef pieces. ③Add some red dates if you like. And then, tie zongzi with strings. Finally, steam them for about two hours and then enjoy the delicious zongzi.
④
Practice makes perfect.
(使用谚语升格)
Becoming a good cook really needs a lot of practice.
名师指导:
一、高分范文中,①使用if引导的条件状语从句升格,使逻辑更加严谨;②使用“连词＋doing”结构代替at the same time,使文章句式更丰富;③使用if引导的条件状语从句升格,使文章更贴近现实生活;④使用谚语升格,使表述更有说服力。
二、两篇范文均遵循“食物制作”类作文经典框架,首尾呼应(开头明确制作对象及所需食材,结尾用“谚语＋感悟”提出实践的重要性)。文章条理清晰,内容重点突出,规避了流水账式罗列。文章使用“first”“next”“then”和“finally”等表示顺序的词串联核心步骤,让读者能快速抓住关键流程。
